Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Call me crazy but I think Herman Cain could still win this thing if everyone he groped votes for him...

   Guys like YOU. Ruin girls like HER. So she can't put her trust in ME.

   Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades.

   You're so smart, you're probably turning the square in TETRIS

   The only "b" word you should call a girl is beautiful. B**ches love to be called beautiful.

   Right now there's a guy at the gym cleaning out Davy Jones' locker.

   Last night I brought this woman back from the bar and couldn't get it up. I looked at her and all I could say was; sorry, no hard feelings.

   I used to work in a factory crushing cans. I hated it! It was soda pressing.

   When someone ends their posts with "just sayin" I would love to smack the sh!t out of them and poke their eyeballs out with an ice pick....other than that I am having a great day!!

   obviously all these people hatin on Occupy wall street HAVE a job.

   In a lesbian relationship who makes the sandwich? Neither they both eat out.

   It's just another Maniac Monday, wish it was Sunday 'cause that's my fun day!

   aww, I feel really bad, I was sitting in the club havn a drink with some friends and a random girl tried chatting me up, all I said to her was ''would you like some face with your make up''....haha was funny though! Oi cake face!! Haha

   "Gaga" = A Form Of Dodge Ball ..... Lady Gaga = Lesbian ..... Lesbian = Literally Dodges Balls ... Coincedence ? ... I think Not !

   considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   When I'm a billionaire, I will use cats instead of toilet paper.

   Justin Bieber, why you no die drag racing like Paul Walker?

   Justin Trudeau should have asked Donald Trump what year the War of 1812 took place.

   In order to keep his family involved, Trump has appointed Melania head of the Department of mining, given her background as a gold digger.

   If someone can explain to me how stealing and destroying is a panacea for easing racial tensions, I'm all ears.