Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If your plan A doesn't work, don't sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters.

   If you hate Trump now, think how much you'll like him if Hillary get elected.

   When I first noticed you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

   Popeye's Chicken is offensive to guys who have ridiculously large forearms with anchors tattooed on them and really skinny girlfriends.

   Trump's wives are proof that you do need immigrants for jobs that American's don't want to do.

   In her defense, Kellyanne Conway was misled by the toaster.

   Justin Trudeau should have asked Donald Trump what year the War of 1812 took place.

   In order to keep his family involved, Trump has appointed Melania head of the Department of mining, given her background as a gold digger.

   If someone can explain to me how stealing and destroying is a panacea for easing racial tensions, I'm all ears.

   It's just another Maniac Monday, wish it was Sunday 'cause that's my fun day!

   aww, I feel really bad, I was sitting in the club havn a drink with some friends and a random girl tried chatting me up, all I said to her was ''would you like some face with your make up''....haha was funny though! Oi cake face!! Haha

   "Gaga" = A Form Of Dodge Ball ..... Lady Gaga = Lesbian ..... Lesbian = Literally Dodges Balls ... Coincedence ? ... I think Not !

   considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   When I'm a billionaire, I will use cats instead of toilet paper.

   Justin Bieber, why you no die drag racing like Paul Walker?

   When someone ends their posts with "just sayin" I would love to smack the sh!t out of them and poke their eyeballs out with an ice pick....other than that I am having a great day!!

   obviously all these people hatin on Occupy wall street HAVE a job.

   In a lesbian relationship who makes the sandwich? Neither they both eat out.

   How the hell do Edward Scissorhands And Freddy Kruger wipe their a@@?

   What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!