Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   had some x-rays taken today, turns out I'm not big-boned...just fat :(

   "I don't care what political party you lean towards, what religious denomination you claim or what side of the tracks you live on, I love you anyways. Whether you like it or not."

   When is cinco de mayo?

   Someone should tell Palin that using the term "lamestream media" makes her sound like an '80's movie bully. But maybe I'm just a spazwad.

   what's with women who include their kids in their photo albums for online dating profile? What message are you trying to send? 2 for the price of one?

   If your plan A doesn't work, don't sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters.

   Call me crazy but I think Herman Cain could still win this thing if everyone he groped votes for him...

   Guys like YOU. Ruin girls like HER. So she can't put her trust in ME.

   Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades.

   You're so smart, you're probably turning the square in TETRIS

   The only "b" word you should call a girl is beautiful. B**ches love to be called beautiful.

   Right now there's a guy at the gym cleaning out Davy Jones' locker.

   Last night I brought this woman back from the bar and couldn't get it up. I looked at her and all I could say was; sorry, no hard feelings.

   I used to work in a factory crushing cans. I hated it! It was soda pressing.

   When someone ends their posts with "just sayin" I would love to smack the sh!t out of them and poke their eyeballs out with an ice pick....other than that I am having a great day!!

   obviously all these people hatin on Occupy wall street HAVE a job.

   In a lesbian relationship who makes the sandwich? Neither they both eat out.

   It's just another Maniac Monday, wish it was Sunday 'cause that's my fun day!

   aww, I feel really bad, I was sitting in the club havn a drink with some friends and a random girl tried chatting me up, all I said to her was ''would you like some face with your make up''....haha was funny though! Oi cake face!! Haha

   "Gaga" = A Form Of Dodge Ball ..... Lady Gaga = Lesbian ..... Lesbian = Literally Dodges Balls ... Coincedence ? ... I think Not !