Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4466 of 6446

You're so smart, you're probably turning the square in TETRIS

The only "b" word you should call a girl is beautiful. B**ches love to be called beautiful.

Right now there's a guy at the gym cleaning out Davy Jones' locker.
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02-29-2012 21:42
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Last night I brought this woman back from the bar and couldn't get it up. I looked at her and all I could say was; sorry, no hard feelings.
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05-11-2012 15:22
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I used to work in a factory crushing cans. I hated it! It was soda pressing.

Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you DON'T CARE who rules the world! THIS IS WHAT I CALL ATTITUDE .......
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10-10-2010 23:47 by orania
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If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
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01-09-2011 06:44
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... the weather guy just said, "We'll keep you up to breast" instead of "abreast." Guess this heat is getting to him, too ...
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06-25-2010 08:06
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No Budweisor I have not been drinking any officers tonight
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06-27-2010 18:22
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a good friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend will be in there with you and a sister will stand outside the cell laughing at you
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06-27-2010 18:29
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Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you, don't kiss an a$$ if it's in the process of $hitting on you
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07-19-2010 17:02 by paulb808
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If Facebook really wanted to shake things up, they would introduce a thumbs-down "hate" button.
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08-05-2010 15:45
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BREAKING NEWS: Myspace is dead!
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08-14-2010 07:10
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Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim, it's what's in my genes
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11-24-2009 18:02 by Peebs
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Don'T write HAPPY BIRTHDAY on my wall...Just send ur gift to this address!!
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04-26-2010 00:53
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Bin Laden sees what BP's done, and he's like, "Man, I've got to step up my game."
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06-03-2010 23:50
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I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
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12-07-2009 19:33
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Smile and the world will smile back at you .. :D
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01-03-2010 16:59
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To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
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01-17-2010 22:13
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Badder then your Ex and Better then your next