Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If your girlfriend starts smoking slow down and use a lubricant

   After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,

   I think Facebook should have a status limit per day. This is not Twitter, shut the f*ck up, nobody cares.

   Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!

   Live, Laugh, Love, Lesbians, :)

   Obama leans toward believing scientists before god. Any country acknowledging science before any god is a winner in my opinion.

   Maybe now that we’ve kept Joe busy writing his name for a week, we should move onto shapes and colors.

   got a call this morning at 5:30 and found out I won the Nobel Peace Prize because I thought peace sounded like a good idea. I turned them down becuase I hadn't done anything to win it. Anyone here who the runner up was?

   if I ever see an amputee getting hanged, I will just start calling out letters

   It looks like the same people who hate science are also hating math now.

   If society continues on its present course, the future won't be like The Jetsons. It will be like The Flintstones.

   Do you know what it feels like when you have to pee really bad? Well in that case feel this, I'm not totally sure I do...

   a suicide bomber. Suicide bomber training: Now watch carefull, because I'm only going to show you this once.

   HEY, !!!!!!!! -------------> ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

   Big decision, watching the World Cup vs watching paint dry. Watching paint dry wins!

   It's so cold out that I now have 2 bb's and a tick tack

   Religion is like tequila; relatively harmless, but excessive quantities will make you do stupid things.

   I have a v@gina. I don't have to make sense.

   what do a pizza delivery guy and male gynecologist have in common? They can SMELL it, but they can't EAT it lol

   Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Land phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 6