Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.

   Wife: do these jeans make me look fat? Husband: nope it's not the jeans

   Ladies, keep it smooth please. No guy wants to floss his teeth while he's down there

   Has anyone even considered that the missing Malaysian airliner just may have been Wonder Woman's invisible jet?

   My reaction to the royals William and Kate visiting Australia is the same reaction I had to their kid being born. I couldn't give a f you c k!!

   Ladies;if a guy invites you to his place and u're like..."hope we not fucking" there's a Special place for you in hell

   Looks like Eric Cantor was defeated by some Brat.

   just opened a store next to 'Forever 21', called 'Finally 22'

   We can stop Iran from buiding a nuclear bomb by just pointing all our nuclear bombs at them...

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   I like my woman like I like my beer; brown, smooth, and goes down without any problems.

   As a guy, the hardest thing about shopping for pants is asking the clerk if they make your butt look fat.

   Obama leans toward believing scientists before god. Any country acknowledging science before any god is a winner in my opinion.

   If your girlfriend starts smoking slow down and use a lubricant

   After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,

   I think Facebook should have a status limit per day. This is not Twitter, shut the f*ck up, nobody cares.

   Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!

   Live, Laugh, Love, Lesbians, :)

   Maybe now that we’ve kept Joe busy writing his name for a week, we should move onto shapes and colors.

   got a call this morning at 5:30 and found out I won the Nobel Peace Prize because I thought peace sounded like a good idea. I turned them down becuase I hadn't done anything to win it. Anyone here who the runner up was?