Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Humpty Dumpty fell off my FB wall. Somebody poked him.

   there are three kinds of people in this world. those who can count...and those who can't!

   just won $10 on a scratch off lottery ticket...that's right, I'm rich.

   thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.

   Never treat someone like an iPhone when they treat you like a BlackBerry.

   I find nothing more frightening or upsetting than someone saying to me those "three special words"..."Welcome To Tennessee."

   True irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a pull out couch.

   "SWAG" LOL....I love to know where words originate from and in the 1960's a group of men came up with the term "SWAG"....it's meaning Secretly We Are G@y!! True story!! So go get your SWAG on and please post on FB everytime you do so I can laugh at you!!

   Or your a photographer now.. Where'd you go Instagram University?

   Well it's official, after all these years of training, I am currently tied with lance Armstrong in tour de France victories

   Taco Bell at 3 in the morning = runny doo doo at 9 in the morning

   I don't do kings and I don't support inbreeding.

   Before 2012 it was dave chappelle here. Now it's like conan o'brien.

   How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? You look for fresh prints.

   If your girlfriend starts smoking slow down and use a lubricant

   After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,

   I think Facebook should have a status limit per day. This is not Twitter, shut the f*ck up, nobody cares.

   Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!

   Live, Laugh, Love, Lesbians, :)

   Obama leans toward believing scientists before god. Any country acknowledging science before any god is a winner in my opinion.