Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oh no! They blacklisted Pepe Le'Pew. Now where am I gonna get my "moves"?

   "What will we get for bombing Syria besides more debt and a possible long term conflict? Obama needs Congressional approval." - Donald Trump on 29th August 2013

   Wife: do these jeans make me look fat? Husband: nope it's not the jeans

   Ladies, keep it smooth please. No guy wants to floss his teeth while he's down there

   Has anyone even considered that the missing Malaysian airliner just may have been Wonder Woman's invisible jet?

   My reaction to the royals William and Kate visiting Australia is the same reaction I had to their kid being born. I couldn't give a f you c k!!

   Ladies;if a guy invites you to his place and u're like..."hope we not fucking" there's a Special place for you in hell

   Looks like Eric Cantor was defeated by some Brat.

   just opened a store next to 'Forever 21', called 'Finally 22'

   We can stop Iran from buiding a nuclear bomb by just pointing all our nuclear bombs at them...

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   I like my woman like I like my beer; brown, smooth, and goes down without any problems.

   As a guy, the hardest thing about shopping for pants is asking the clerk if they make your butt look fat.

   Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity!!!

   instant superhero, just add alcohol

   What I want, I get. If I didn't get it, then maybe I didn't really want it.

   The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are Chris Hanson.

   Stix and stones may break my bones but this shovel can knock you the f**k out!!!!!

   A huge mass of slimy ooze is moving towards New Orleans. I'm confused as I didn't think the Eagles played the Saints this year.

   The 33 miners trapped deep underground have apparently been given the bad news that it will take 3 months to dig them out of deep hole... I wish our government would tell us when we could expect being dug out of "Our Hole"