Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Little known fact: George Zimmerman is as white as Barack Hussein Obama

   My daughter came home from school and said that a boy showed her his pen!s. She said it reminded her of a peanut. I said, "Why, was it small? She said, "No, it was salty."

   Here's a bit of advice for you....ADVI

   That akward moment when you're texting someone and they end the conversation with a smiley face instead of "lol" and you don't know what to put back...

   I said no to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

   47% of Detroit residents cannot read. No kidding, they would have read the signs welcoming them to Detroit and leave.

   I love the look of sad laker fans! D-rose is the new league superstar, go sit down Kobe!

   If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk!

   Sometimes I cook with wine, and sometimes I even add it to the food

   How is it my cat is only one foot tall but his azz is always at eye level?

   The GOP slams Obama's Martha's Vineyard vacation. They'd denounce it from the floor of Congress, but they're all on vacation...

   Doomsday Tip: If you're the last person alive & want to read every book in a library but your glasses break, head to the audiobook section.

   See Nude pictures of me → (Click here)

   OMFG!! The Titanic sank!! The Titanic sank!!! - My status from 100 years ago today.

   My Native American name would be "Tweets While Driving".

   The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now."

   Now that one Kim is gone, Kardashian can go too

   Next time a girl pisses you off... Just tell her your guna slap the sh!t out of her t!tt!es.. Wait for her facial reaction to change.. And then walk away like a BOSS!

   Oh no! They blacklisted Pepe Le'Pew. Now where am I gonna get my "moves"?

   "What will we get for bombing Syria besides more debt and a possible long term conflict? Obama needs Congressional approval." - Donald Trump on 29th August 2013