Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If a woman offers to buy you a drink, stay calm and enjoy. This is a rare magical species of female named Coolus Chickitus. A gift from the Universe. 
If you gotta look thru someone's phone, you shouldn't be with 'em. Quit being insecure, that sh*t is unattractive.
remembers when "google" was a word used to describe the eyes on pom-pom critters back in grade school!
watching The Biggest Loser. I'd really love to be on that show. Not so much to lose weight.. but just to have Jillian ride me like a donkey while talking dirty to me.. Yeahh baby!
Dora the explorer is here illegally
what is the difference between a rooster and a $lut? one goes c0ck a doodle doo and the other one goes, "any c0ck'll do"
hates Pro Football, but I watched Betty White and Abe Vigoda in a backyard football game....Damn!..They sure can take a tough hit. Not like the NFL players.
tired of having 6 toes and watching purple clouds fish for dolphins...but this lsd is good
walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k,128k,256k,512k and 1mb. That was a trip down memory lane
What would happen if Superman consumed 10 Lbs of laxative?
I used to love, respect and cherish every moment we spent together and then something happened...oh yeah, I built a bridge and got over it!
I am my own worst enemy, and the enemy has gas weaponry.
Life is a waste of time, Time is a waste of life. So, get wasted all the time and have the time of ur life ;)
Life is short...Break the rules, forgive, love, laugh, and never regret anything that made you smile!
Dad...I forgot to brush my teeth before school. That's okay...here's a piece of gum:)
It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up...
hasn't slept for ten days.........................................because that would be too long.
free everyday it's in the constitution
iAm so tired of hearing about stupid iPhone apps...
A new study shows the 'doggie position' is the most common sexual position used by married couples... the Husband sits up and begs while the Wife rolls over and plays dead. 