Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's funny how guys are always looking for a Barbie, when most of them aren't Kens themselves.

   I really hate being Bi-Polar. It's fantastic! ):)

   May God have mercy on my new vibrator.

   I'll start to believe that video games create violent killings the day someone gets arrested for killing a pig by catapulting a bird at it

   The closest I've ever come to eating better is eating butter.

   You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

   When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"

   We now live in a country where we are spied on without warrants, told what you can eat and drink, forced to buy something you may not want, and can be fined for what you say. Welcome to Amerika 2014. Our Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves.

   If reading this status message caused premature death, you may be entitled to compensation. Please call our law offices if this has happened to you

   I would love to see everything, anyone has ever written to me, but backspaced before sending.

   Who ever said, " nothing is impossible!" never tried nailing jello to a tree.

   umm.. yeah, its may 21st in china already.. why hasnt the apocalypse started yet?

   Another fun day in Oz, toto

   Bring the past only if you are going to build from it.

   there's always that one person who takes a few minutes to get the joke...

   Life is Great, if it was any better, I would have to charge myself admission!

   things you would say to your computer but not to your girlfriend ? - next year I'm getting a new model ..

   Just saw the tums commercial with the corn dog smacking the guy in the face. It would be much better if it was the girl getting smacked with the corn dog.

   I understand I only pay $50 a month, but think you can "BOOST" my signal so I can get service

   writing about music is like dancing about architecture