Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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If your significant other doesn't know every last bit disgusting detail about what a gross human being you are then they don't know you that well. 
I can't help thinking Moses would have been a hit at Olympic Swimming events.
Funny how the word 'pro' is in progress, and the word 'con' is in congress.
you can run from your problems, unless your problem is a cheetah
WARNING!!! Drug use may cause memory loss and....uhm....
I hate women who hate innocent women and invade their privacy for their animal instincts.
Ever kill a Sasquatch in the forest and then realize it was just your neighbor Dave getting his mail in the lobby? Drugs are funny sometimes
A man's humor is to a woman what a woman's cleavage is to a man
A cop pulled me over and asked why I was driving so fast. I said you look like the cop my wife left me for and I was afraid you were bringing her back!
They said a mask was enough to go into a grocery store. They lied, everyone else had clothes on...
Its all Obama's Fault for not seeking a Third Term like a True African Leaderr
Every problem has got a public holiday. World AIDS day, cancer day, Labour Day and today Women's Day
President Trump's wild accusations shocked Melania because she knew first hand that nothing was getting "tapped" in Trump Tower.
Trump didn't want to drain the swamp, he wanted to rule the swamp. He failed at both.
Waiter: would you like a little quiche before your main sir? Me: ok, but no tongue
Drug addiction runs in my family. I come from a long line of cocaine.
Wats d difference between Las Vegas n Wuhan..wat happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
Coronavirus - explained in dancing. You and nine friends are dancing together. One friend is dancing while sprinkling glitter. How many friends leave the dance party wearing glitter?
HOLIDAY HACK: *Holds finger up, and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I've been..
When a woman says "He used me for sex". It really means 'I only shagged him to get something else out of him, but it failed'. 