Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The weather in New York is partly cloudy and warm...just like A-Rods urine sample

   “Whoever said Money can't buy happiness, They just didn't know where to go Shopping.”

   The UK team visited a South African orphanage."Its so good to brighten up for these sad people who are in a hopeless situation," said 6 y/o Mbutu Niaryi.

   For sale: A horse. Will consider trade for a kingdom.

   There is actually a "man vs wild alabama". Bear said "this is going to be one of my toughest challenges ever". He's obvously seen "deliverance".

   If Facebook was a job everybody would b rich

   A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.

   Interesting Fact: Put two straws in your mouth: one inside a drink and one outside it. You won't be able to drink through either straw. Try it!

   Whew.....I am officially done wrapping all of my presents for Christmas in 2011. Thank you 'person who thought of re-gifting'

   sooo not a control freak - I just happen to know what is best for everyone else and how they should be doing it!

   my field of dreams would be a football field built in a field barley made into beer to serve free of charge at the games.

   considering applying for a job as a news anchor. I already exaggerate stories to the billionth degree every day, but now I can broadcast them to the world!

   People have to recognize that the "do-it-all-mom", as the saying goes, often ends up doing everything but "it".

   Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist exchange places

   just met a lot of people who will corner the market on coal this Christmas.

   wondering how she can go forward when she doesn't know which way she's facing

   ok the sneakers are on, the treadmill is unfolded but I am having a hard time to put the the two togeather!!!!

   ive just booked a table for me and the missus for valentines day, should be a nice surprise, dont think shes played snooker before

   If you were a birdwatcher, would you prefer a Swift or Swallow?

   What do you think is the best Social Networking tool? Facebook? Twitter? Orkut? ... I say BEER! Yep, that's right. There's no other medium that makes friends bond as much as beer does....