Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you are SINGLE all you see are happy couples.... When you are COMMITTED all you see are happy SINGLES!!! ;-)

   When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves

   Today's lunch: Redman and Dr. Pepper..slimy yet satisfying.

   The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my wife, my church, or myself... But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald...

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle.

   repairing his/her wall. Thanks Kool Aid Man.

   The skeletons in my closet have requested a walk in!!!

   Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, most of us would have never been born.

   I'm one click of the mouse away from taking over the world. HA, HA, HA......

   I'm not opposed to gay marriage.... I saw two women kissing in public the other day and I thought “man, that takes balls!”

   Wyclef Jean to run for President of Haiti. That would be cool. Then he could totally start a band called The ReFugees.

   Every since I bought this shake weight . I'm putting way too much salt on my food!!

   supports the rights of the Jedi to build a temple, but does it have to be two parsecs from the ruins of the Death Star?

   if you're good at something you just gotta put on your jogging shoes and run with it!!!

   With a name like "Earl," I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding.

   It's not that I don't like men..Its just that I think they should drink from separate water fountains..

   if you don't like your job, you don't strike...you just go in everyday and do it half-assed...THAT'S THE AMERICAN WAY!!

   I wish my laundry were more like me and do itself.

   3 roomates and the end of the toilet paper ALWAYS end on me.. WTF!!!!!

   May the mass times acceleration be with you.