Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you bang a fat girl you have to hold her belly up like a broken garage door

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.

   Before we jump all over him, are we sure Romney wasn't counting himself as one of the 47% of Americans who don't pay taxes?

   I bet Obama takes credit for finally getting Castro.

   Fun Fact: Curly fries are made from Mr. Potato Head's pubes.

   kissed a girl and she liked it.

   a MAN and woman is the only way the world can survive

   its about to be 2012: if you miss someone because they have passed away and in heaven , click like or type in their name..

   I found a used condom in my box of Corn Flakes.... I think it was the work of a cereal rapist

   I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names.,

   More bad news from Hollywood: George Clooney survived his motorcycle wreck.

   Friends with benefits = awesome! Uncles with benefits = creepy!

   If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?

   Yesterday I posted "Happy Almost Mother's Day!" on this chick I grew up with's Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion.

   .... SEAL Team 6 Killed the bearded one ..... let's get that straight .... once and for all!!!!!

   Hamas is not what it used to be. You can see they don't have the money anymore. Instead of 70 virgins, martyrs now get a gift certificate to Olive Garden.

   Breaking news: Taliban fighters seen throwing down their weapons and running for the hills after USA repeals "Don't Ask Don't Tell".......

   broke as a mofo..why can't Santa Claus be real????

   thinks some people should not be allowed to drive, reproduce, or breathe........and especially not all at the same time

   “How depressing, it's so cold and grey,” said the wife. “Well, it is January,” I replied. … then I noticed the dead elephant lying in our front room.