Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I eat Burger King at every whoppertunity

   just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

   All the immortals survived St. Paddy's Day I see? Let us mere mortals now join our brethren and worship at our place of choice to further along that regressive human trait known as hypocrisy.

   I'm currently killing a twelve pack, and every squirrel within fifty yards of my porch. Love me some Saturdays.

   I bought a Dale Earnhart GPS on eBay but it just keeps telling me to turn left. I swear it is starting to drive me up the walls.

   I'm sick and tired of the games requests on Facebook. If it doesn't stop Imma be forced to play Facebook's Version of "My foot in ya ass."

   When you bang a fat girl you have to hold her belly up like a broken garage door

   Spain or Germany??? --Spermany!

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.

   Before we jump all over him, are we sure Romney wasn't counting himself as one of the 47% of Americans who don't pay taxes?

   I bet Obama takes credit for finally getting Castro.

   Fun Fact: Curly fries are made from Mr. Potato Head's pubes.

   kissed a girl and she liked it.

   a MAN and woman is the only way the world can survive

   Friends with benefits = awesome! Uncles with benefits = creepy!

   More bad news from Hollywood: George Clooney survived his motorcycle wreck.

   its about to be 2012: if you miss someone because they have passed away and in heaven , click like or type in their name..

   I found a used condom in my box of Corn Flakes.... I think it was the work of a cereal rapist

   I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names.,

   If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?