Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just saved a bunch of money on toilet paper by shaving my a$$hole.

   Today is another dsy where people get religious om Facebook but live like heathens most all the other time...

   What the world doesn't realise is that North Korea is not only threatening USA but the world at large. Nuclear weapons contaminate the whole world.

   So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so..... Now help me load this drum kit.

   I named the spider in my kitchen 'Kris Kross' because it made me jump.

   That awkward moment when you're chilling at the park and Bruno Mars walks by dragging a piano.

   solving all the world's problems--one roll of duct tape at a time...

   NAACP blasts CNN for its lack of diversity in prime time. Strangely silent on MSNBC wonderbread lineup.

   if you have never given yourself troll hair while taking a bath .. then you probably don't have a soul

   Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

   going to Biker Night at The Blue Oyster Bar.

   "Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts."

   In your face Putin. Right in your stupid face. Go Trump!! Show Putin who the real boss is.

   President Obama set up anti-pandemic programs in 47 vulnerable countries, as a way to protect against something just like Coronavirus breaking out across the world. Experts begged Trump to keep them open. He closed 37 of them.

   We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police

   just saved alot of money on his car insurance by threatening his agent with a golf club!

   I've just popped down with my floral tribute to Amy Winehouse, last years Xmas tree. It's the perfect tribute, 5 & a half feet, dead & surrounded by needles.

     Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens.

   Lets elect a black pope! Said no Catholic ever.....