Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Redneck word - Aspect: she got done skinny-dippin', passed out on that deck chair, and had her aspect by a woodpecker.

   it's not that I don't go Church because I don't believe a God. I just don't go because I have trouble believing in the concept of a God who makes a note of who does go to Church.

   Noticed a mistake? Why couldn't you notice it FIRST before posting? Why were you in a hurry to microwave your dinner-for-one as you always do?

   The current US population stands at over 300 million. If we all contributed $1, that would be enough to buy off many lobbyists. I'd be happy to be the receiving officer for this plan.

   If I don't have any drama... Can I still have a Facebook

   Nothing is more humbling than blocking someone then doing the friend request of shame

   Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?

   Wondering if your adopted because your the only sexy one in the family.

   When I was a child I performed on TV for a very short time. Mom came in the living room, saw me up on it, and made me get down though.

   My lifetime ratio of bananas purchased to bananas eaten is running about 5 to 1.

   Fah-Q, Fah-Q and Fah-Q!! Whose next?

   you know we're getting lazy as people when you see "ready in 5 minutes" and you roll your eyes

   my life's story is too far different from yours so please stop questioning and judging me

   I love getting fresh clean underwear out of the dryer....I just wish I knew who they belong to!

   The truth shall set you free... if you have a spare $100,000 for legal fees.

   Ambulances & Fire Trucks would be more effective if they played "Move B*ich Get Out The Way" by Ludacris instead of a siren!

   Spongebob: "Can you hear me?" Patrick: "No, It's too dark."

   the best halloween treat a woman could ask for.

   Some people don't like Vietnemese food,but I don't know what they're complaining pho.

   This lady was saying how her daughter is "super strong for a 2 year-old." Now I'm testing the kid and she can't lift sh!t.