Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Denims are my favourite hand sanitizers.

   I bet you can't say "cops" without moving your mouth!

   if the college you went to has a tv commercial, you didnt go to college

   a hangover is the wrath of grapes

   I am woman. Hear me ignore.

   Welcome to San Francisco, where the weather is nice and the people are gay!

   Let’s all join hands and remember the Golden Rule of Life: Do not feed the trolls.

   What if the real Slim Shady is paraplegic?

   PSY will be having a concert in the Philippines... WTF!! is he gonna sing Gangnam Style for 2 hours???

   pedophile: Get in the van I have candy. me: No! pedofile:I have free wifi too! me:Where would you like me to sit?

   Great, now Ray Lewis has killed more people AND won more Super Bowl rings than me. :(

   Keep it down kids....Aunt Minnie is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.

   I just walked up to a guuy with an eye patch and asked him was it really fun and games at that point

   Spooning...the precursor to forking.

   So they found Richard III under a parking lot. We wil probably find Hoffa under a church.

   FYI: Donkeys just call them hats.

   "Sometimes, women are so sensitive! Very nicely, I asked the woman sitting next to me if I could smell her armpits. "NO!" she exclaimed. I said, "Well, it must be your feet then." Now she's looking for something large to hit me with ツ

   USA is home of the Free? it's expensive to live here, my taxes just doubled!!!

   Snooki is a star! Huge and full of gas.

   There is no polite way to suggest to someone that they have devoted their life to a folly.