Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No... I'm not lazy... I'm just resting up for my 30's... (I got a lot planned)

   Height of tension:Obama updated his status on Facebook "Osama is dead."Justice has been done,after a few minutes Obama gets a notification "Osama has liked your status ".

   To the makers of fruitroll-ups: when I enjoy your deliciousness, I mess up the touchscreen on my smartphone. Work on that please...

   i thought it was going to take us a couple of days to take down libya! what happened?

   I press Like or Dislike exclusively to make it an even number

   Well, at least we'll get to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie before the Rapture. Woulda been a shame to miss that one.

   thinking this whole rapture thing is going to create jobs.... And both democrats and republicans are going to try and take credit.

   Well Brittney you have two days left of dancing until the world ends...

   If nothing happens tomorrow, I'm still bashing heads!

   In memory of matcho man R.S. and in preparation for the Rapture, I'm going to buy enough slim jims to snap in to for the next five months

   Anyone get the feeling that it is going to take an act of God to change anything around here?

   Horse walks into a pub: Bartender: "Why the long face?" Horse: "They wouldn't let me on the f-kin train."

   You've been H.A.D ... HAPPY APOCALYPSE DAY .

   I'm not saying the mainstream media is liberal, but I'm pretty sure I just saw NBC congratulate President Obama on defeating The Rapture.

   has anyone seen that billboard talking about the rapture??? if not, its been posted to my wall at least 75 times in the past hour. come take a look.

   was really hoping the rapture was coming to take away all the people that believed this rapture was real.

   Right hook!! Right hook!! Body blow!! Body blow!! Uppercut!! Uppercut!! the last entry in "Glass Joe's" diary....

   That awkward moment when your friends gets in the club and you don't...lol...

   I take my garbage & recycling to the curb 2 days before pickup just to see if the neighbors are actually paying attention to anything else sinister I may be up to and answer, “No; pickup is tomorrow, I'm quite sure of it.”

   What a great world it would be, if the only complaint was bugs on the windshield.