Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ricky Martin has answered the question, "Are you gay?". But for many, another question remains: "Who's Ricky Martin?"

   Which is the best new slur for hipsters: Fauxhemian or Doucheoisie? I'm thinking Doucheoisie.

   While creating wives, God promised men that good & ideal wives will be found in all corners of the world and then he made the earth round!

   WEED - 5$...ROLL UP - 1$...THAT FEELING YOU GET AFTER - PRICELESS......HAPPY 4/20

   saw the geico gecko cutting the allstate agent's brake lines, talk about cutting out the middle man.

   Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

   The good news is, we destroyed the Ring. The bad news is, we disrupted a hemisphere's worth of air travel and two dozen national economies... our badd...

   I'm hopping in the DeLorean with the Doc to travel back in time to Wednesday to buy a Powerball ticket. Between the other winner and I there will be $258 million dollars and one full set of teeth.

   Ronald McDonald just killed Burger King in front of Dairy Queen over that B*t*h Wendy

   so turns out you CAN use lemon juice to get goats blood off of the curtains

   Kan yu knot spel?

   Whats the only animal with an a$$hole on the middle of its back? A police horse.

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

   I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

   so you press the button to hail the elevator, when it doesn't come we press the button again. does a second press hail the elevator faster, if not, why do we do it

   Power play? I think the Washington Capitals need to work on their Heimlich Maneuver instead.

   I am now home from what would have been a hard day had I done any work

   about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery I just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!

   im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets