Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Maybe we could get Obama to take ISIS seriously if we convince him they are behind global warming?

   recycle...because mother earth likes to regift too

   asks Where Were You When the Republic Died?

   Chicago police say Crime is at an all time low today, When asked why they responded with "we think it has to do with the extensive flooding, how many blakc ppl do you know that can swim'?

   Every week almost 30 people die from FDA approved drugs while Marijuana remains illegal with 0 deaths.

   Big trucks should only be allowed to drive in one lane and we will call it the sucky driver lane

   Only 2 more days of black history month, thank god, I'm tired of eating chik and watermelon. Thats how it goes right?

   President Obama should of shoved his birth certificate up Donald Trump's @ss

   I just saw an entire ginger family walking their dog. You could see the shame in its eyes.

   climbing in your windows & snatching your people up. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife.

   Fact: Soccer is a game invented by European ladies to pass the time while their husbands cooked dinner. Go practice your throw-ins, you cheese-eating surrender monkey!

   Would like to thank all you Colt fans for talking so much Sh!t it makes winning so much better!

   At one point in their life 95% of women will have intelligent DNA. Unfortunately most will spit it out.

   Hi, I'm Israel and I'm fxckd up. US, get your priorities straight. Killing sailors on an aid flotilla has pushed the limits of Israel's crimes against humanity.

   Dear God, Happy Father's Day.

   The national debt is now the same as the U.S. economy. Obama really did balance the budget.

   The wall should have been built before the pilgrims came to this land.

   If a lesbian c@ckblocks another lesbian, would it then be considered a beaver dam?

   Whats the only animal with an a$$hole on the middle of its back? A police horse.

   just lost my job at the Orange Juice factory...I couldn't concentrate