Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So if someone is born deaf, what language do they think in?

   i rather watch grass grow in winter then watch farewell. Bye obama

   My doctor asked for a stool, a urine, a blood, and a semen sample. I gave him my underwear.

   Um, no, Donald Trump, the world is laughing at YOU (and your raccoon-top).

   Black chicks stay saying a white chick is "trying to act black." Meanwhile, they have blonde weave and sky blue contacts. Sit down midnight!

   the next Call of duty will only have knives and bows amd arrows. Thanks Obama!

   can't find Tom on facebook.

   BAD NEWS: I've never been in love. GOOD NEWS: I've never been in Courtney Love.

   IROC=Italian Retard Out Cruising

   If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to f*ck with people... Like you ate a pinecone every single day

   Sweatin' like a Catholic Priest at a Little League game.

   hates it when you ask someone "How was your day?" and all they say is "good, and yours?" Thank you for summing up your day with just one word. Way to be detailed.

   IRISH and PROUD!

   have you ever notice that Chris Brown, Usher, Nelly and 55 Cent look exactly like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles???

   maybe if all these slackers went out and got a job, then they wouldn't have to worry about Obamacare

   Did you know that if you spell "Go hang a salami" backwards it comes out as "I'm a lasagna hog" ?!?!?

   Your so vain you probably think this post is about you

   I really hope, for humanity sake, that you people were all up in arms and angry when the picture of Obama and the noose surfaced.

   Tiger Woods is now dating Lindsey Vonn. That man gets so much ass, if this were 1800's his slave name would be Poonta Kinte

   knows the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian. About a bottle and a half of wine.