Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I can text my bank and they will text me back my balance... I could do without the LOL at the end of it though. 
Someone should tell all the policemen, teachers, firefighters and military people that apparently the real hero's are public gays...
..is wondering what would happen if she went to her supermarket, opened a can of tomato juice on to the floor and yelled "CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE THE TAMPONS ARE?! I NEED SOME ASAP!"
On this day remember an American Legend, Robert E. Lee, someone worth remembering.
As far as being a white man, this is the worse century to be born in. Our kids will be slaves in the next 100 years.
310 people were killed and hundreds wounded in a stampede at the annual hajj in Saudi Arabia. What a waste of potential suicide bombers.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters? Do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"... 😀😳😜
So if someone is born deaf, what language do they think in?
running with scissors and eating paste
i rather watch grass grow in winter then watch farewell. Bye obama
My doctor asked for a stool, a urine, a blood, and a semen sample. I gave him my underwear.
Um, no, Donald Trump, the world is laughing at YOU (and your raccoon-top).
Black chicks stay saying a white chick is "trying to act black." Meanwhile, they have blonde weave and sky blue contacts. Sit down midnight!
the next Call of duty will only have knives and bows amd arrows. Thanks Obama!
can't find Tom on facebook.
BAD NEWS: I've never been in love. GOOD NEWS: I've never been in Courtney Love.
IROC=Italian Retard Out Cruising
If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to f*ck with people... Like you ate a pinecone every single day
Sweatin' like a Catholic Priest at a Little League game.
hates it when you ask someone "How was your day?" and all they say is "good, and yours?" Thank you for summing up your day with just one word. Way to be detailed. 