Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I cook with wine...Sometimes I even put it in the food !

   There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, Don't tell me what to do.

   A good woman will do 70 chores around the house. Cooking and 69

   Britney Spears looks so old and ugly...yikes!

   Valentines Day is so fake. If you love a girl you'll treat her special every day. Not once out of 365 days!

   If god didn't want us smoking weed, then why the f*%k did he put THC in it?

   The days when men knew how to treat women were the days when women knew their place.

   You know 2020 is laughing at you when it tells you that Stormy Daniels collected more money from Trump, in 2016, than the IRS.

   Has anyone demanded to see Trump's birth certificate? Just to make sure he was actually born and not summoned.

   Mexico has the same problem the US has.........Too many mexicans.

   ObamaCare: Prescription for disaster.

   BEER - Helping white men dance since 1881.

   if Charles is in Charge of our days and our nights, who's this God guy people are talking about?

   Wondering what's gonna happen to that Hindu ass wipe from Rutgers College who played a prank on the poor guy who committed suicide when he goes to prison! I wish the guards secretly tapes Ravi getting raped and put it on the web

   I would consider becoming Catholic if they made Batman Pope.

   UPDATE: I'm still handsome.

   What's with everyone calling it "Holiday decorations" back in my day, we called it a little something like Christmas.

   Catholic Priests rub me the wrong way.

   Government just came out with a new doll...It's called a welfare doll. You wind it up and it quits working.

   If Mama Cass had shared her sandwich with Karen Carpenter they both might be alive today.