Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Mama Cass gave Karen Carpenter the ham sandwich she chocked on, they both would be alvive today!

   I regret I'm one of the billion a$$holes who watched Gangnam Style on Youtube.

   Wow they had a football game at beyonces concert!!!

   When in a relationship, a real man doesn't make his woman jealous of others, he makes others jealous of his woman

   Ladies, if you've been called a c*nt by 3 or more people, you're a c*nt...

   For Americans, next Tuesday is election day. For some Japanese-Americans, it will be "erection day."

   I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge. Sincerely, The Titanic

   Remember when the dumbest thing Trump had ever said was COVFEFE... good times ...

   Awe c'mon folks .... No matter what you have to say about the big plagiarism scandal ...... You do have to admit that Melania definitely said it better!!

   if you're ever feeling down just remeber: you were that ONE sperm that made it.

   "Yo! FaShizzle.....Muthaf****r".......that's what one sounds like.

   it's Monday and the time to procrastinate is NOW!

   Dear Santa, please let me take a look of your good girls gone bad list.

   ... hmm ... If you try 2 google myspace you'll get " did you mean Facebook ?"

   What do you call a bra in Russian? Stoppenzefloppin

   Yesssss….neighbor guy, the whole block knows you own a Harley. So, you can stop revving your engine every 1.6 seconds. Or, better yet, while you are stopped at the stop sign. You're cool, we get it.

   President Obama is going to downplay this like he has every other attack. He can't have a war, now ISIS, they can have a war, but Barrack and Hilary, they can't.

   The recent tsunami is not divine biblical retribution or proof that the world is ending on 12/21/12. Overblown media coverage has turned this natural tragedy into a circus. What's needed now is support, solidarity and common sense

   If you still have a Romney sticker on your car, I got news that may come as a bit of a surprise to some of you. He lost.

   Why is Trump telling you to buy a line of clothing an ethics violation, but Obama forcing you to buy health insurance is totally OK?