Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if Hillary has any stains on her pants suits.

   I thought of going Amish once....I didn't have the WHEEL POWER to do it

   again......Show me on the doll where gas prices touched you.

   Prostitutes are buysexual

   Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone, and I'm the a§§høle for tripping him??

   I saw some girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off. So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.

   I like my girls like I like my cheese. F@t free American singles.

   Ariel is a lot less attractive once you realize she swims around in her own poop water.

   Alternative facts. What most good and honorable americans call lies. May God have mercy on our souls.

   Those were not boos. They were alternative cheers.

   With Hillary dropping in the polls, everyone needs to stop telling the truth about her as soon as possible if she is going to win

   So when is the next heterosexual parade so we can brag about how heterosexual we are? Asking for a friend....

   People keep asking, "Should Palin run?" YES! She should run back to Alaska as fast as her $300,000.00 bus can carry her. Go roam the frozen tundra, Caribou Barbie.

   Here is a billion dollar idea - manufacture toilet paper with the Koran printed on it.

   After reading some of these jokes, I might have pulled something rolling my eyes.

   Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you're in the way.

   What's the defference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stopped at 3 Ho's LOL

   Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park... but is better for boy to park meat in girl."

   God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

   In honor of the his re-election pants are at half ass across the country.