Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When religious people judge you for not being religious. Pretty sure your religion says your not supposed to judge other people. Talk about being hypocritical.

   Politicans should stop acting like high school girls. The first one who doesn't talk bad about the other one and just states what he will do to fix the country is the first one I would be happy to vote for

   they're 3 kinds of people in this world. Those that are good with math, an those who aren't.

   I am pleased to announce that the PR firm of Helland-Hunt, LLC will be handling the issuance of all apologies on my behalf from now on. So, if you're looking for an “I'm sorry” from me, please go to Helland Hunt for it..

   popen ain't easy- Benedict

   Happy Single Guys Day everyone....................Palm Sunday.

   Pollen count is so bad this year....the crackheads are trying to convert their meth back to sudafed

   Why do people yell "Hello?" in horror movies. What do you think the killer is going to say? "I'm making a sandwich in the kitchen. Want one?"

   all the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run like forrest

   People who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what's your plan?

   I'd be all for the Women's March protest if they added, "off a cliff" to the name of the event.

   ....yup....I definately had asparagus last night!!!

   already on the naughty list. Santa... I can explain.

   leaned with it, Rocked with it..Hit the dance floor and went to do da stanky legg but twisted my ankle and ended up in the emergency room.

   the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.

   Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

   I've said it before and I'll say it again! Those are not my toys, and I don't know why they're in my bedroom! ;-)

   thinks it's funny that Evolutionists believe enough million monkeys will eventually type out a literary work. Facebook has proven this wrong.

   Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

   Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?