Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think the biggest winner after the USA elections is Melania Trump who can finally call herself the first lady instead of the third wife.

   Interrsting Fact: If Hillary owned a building which caught on fire and killed a man, because there were no sprinkler systems in the building, people here would go through the roof.

   Trump Supporters in a basket? I guess that puts Hillary Supporters in the wood pile.

   A lot of southern states are celebrating Confederate Memorial day today(4/23) even though the official date is April 26. Confederate Memorial Day is a legal holiday observe in the southern states.

   A RECENT POLICE STUDY FOUND THAT YOU'RE MUCH MORE LIKELY TO GET SHOT BY A FAT COP IF YOU RUN....

   We Germans are happy to help and will give any American refugee who wants to flee from the US in case Trump becomes elected president

   God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, but He probably hired Steve to help decorate the garden.

   I wonder if Penn state is going to change there mascots name from the Nittany Lion, to the Penn state pedophiles?

   You know a girl has been recently dumped when she post stuff like, “I don't need any love from any man. I only need to love and be loved by ONE man. He is the Son of God, JESUS!”

   What's with all this bullying crap ... Bullying has been around since the T'rex punked a lizard . You want to stop bullying teach your kid how to defend themselves , bullies hate a fight .

   The Bible says h*mosexuality is wrong. I forget the exact chapter. But it’s there somewhere between the talking snake and the virgin birth.

   This just in fromm CNN Prophet Mohammed seen eating a BLT on Rye ... More news at 11 back to you Bill

   No woman will ever be truely satisfied on valentines day, because no man will ever have a chocolate peni$ that ejacul@tes money.

   To all those people with big trucks and SUV'S who laughed at me because I bought a hybrid......i see you getting gas all the time

   Christmas used to be the best when I believed in Santa Claus....i wanna be 15 again

   Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

   Police pulls over a speeding car; Cop: I've been waiting for you all day. Driver: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could. ;)

   dressed as a parking attendent at the zoo, 300 spots at $5 a pop is $1500 for a days work

   lets play guess who I am? ok here we go, My arm itches, my neck itches, I'm shaking, and my lips are ashy. What am I?

   God's little inside joke..Give a man a heart & feelings that can be crushed in a matter of seconds.