Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Royal baby born weighing 8 pounds, worth billions of them!

   Getting lots of admiring looks in my new denim short-shirts and halter top.

   "Beauty without intelligence is like a masterpiece painted on a tissue paper." Yeh, compasionate wisdom lasts longer than beauty. At least you don't get on people's nerve with your childish behaviour.

   f your ex texts you, its probably because they tried to replace you, but failed.

   High heels look best on a woman when the bottoms are pointing to the ceiling.

   My prescription's instructions say to take 1 pill "by mouth." This begs the questions: Is there, in fact, a version of this I can take "by butt?" And if so, why the hell has doc been holding out on me???

   Todays date? 90210!...I'm off to the Peach Pit!

   I realllllly want to pet a whale right now

   I'm so old. I remember when "flash memory" meant "ability to recall guys in raincoats showing their naughty bits." Those were simpler times for sure!

   making a New Years resolution to not make a New Years resolution.

   Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   You all wouldn't know funny if it came down and slaped you upside ur wall..

   Every notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?

   I try to be tolerant but then other people go and mess it up.

   Dear Mr Raoul Moat , It has come to my notice that John Terry has also been shagging your missus while you were in prison , yours sincerely Wayne Bridge ..

   wondering how long before my boss realizes I'm busy on facebook instead of typing his damn letters...?

   not a California girl but is still unforgettable .

   wondering who trains the suicide bombers how to do it..

   I do like Sally Jessy Raphael but she REALLY does look like a Jim Henson puppet!