Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When dressing up for Halloween, disguise the limit.

   if I ever wake up in a room full of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game," I'm going to be so mad!

   Spongebob is trying to give Gary a bath, aren't they already underwater?

   Everyone is intitled to their opinion, and in my opinion, your opinion sucks!

   if Winter was alive, I would hunt it down and kill it..."

   bored with Sunday. You should go away and ask your friend Saturday to come back.

   making a New Years resolution to not make a New Years resolution.

   Dear Mr Raoul Moat , It has come to my notice that John Terry has also been shagging your missus while you were in prison , yours sincerely Wayne Bridge ..

   wondering how long before my boss realizes I'm busy on facebook instead of typing his damn letters...?

   not a California girl but is still unforgettable .

   wondering who trains the suicide bombers how to do it..

   I do like Sally Jessy Raphael but she REALLY does look like a Jim Henson puppet!

   Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   You all wouldn't know funny if it came down and slaped you upside ur wall..

   Every notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?

   I try to be tolerant but then other people go and mess it up.

   the oldest he has ever been.

   fighting for world peace...one beer at a time.

   kissing a walrus is like going to the glory hole booth. It seems like fun until you feel the whiskers!