Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Always be yourself. Even if you have to fake it.
←Rate | 08-03-2015 09:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the power vested in me... I now pronounce me going to sleep
←Rate | 08-25-2015 05:42 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Caterpillar marriage therapy... Wife: he's not the man I married...Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Susan !!!
←Rate | 09-28-2015 18:40 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seen a pregnant woman with 4 kids just letting them run wild in Walmart. She said "Can you believe my baby is 5 days past due?"...I said "Yeah, he was probably warned by your other kids."......And that's when the fight started....
←Rate | 11-22-2015 15:17 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Lazy is as lazy doesn't.
←Rate | 12-05-2015 15:14 by Nipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a million fish in the sea,,, but I haven't lowered my standards just yet to date fish.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 20:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sure sex is great but have you ever stared at your phone all day?
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't think size matters, I'm giving you the smallest coffee mug.
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Underwear need pockets. If you want to walk around without pants, where are you supposed to put your phone?
←Rate | 10-02-2013 04:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I got away with all the alcohol I've drank...but then I drool mid thought and realize...nope.
←Rate | 10-06-2013 19:29 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the old age you've learnt anything through knowledge and experience; the problem is you remember none of them.
←Rate | 10-12-2013 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things ain't nobody got time for: That
←Rate | 10-16-2013 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's Sunday and that only means I want Chic Fil A
←Rate | 10-16-2013 14:18 by Gina Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just imgine if we've all met somewhere as a reunion of years together providing funny.... thanks for the fun times guys and gals!!
←Rate | 10-23-2013 00:15 by Pipo Comments (0)  


   messageicon What temperature does Miley boil at??
←Rate | 11-25-2013 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two Franciscan priests opened a Long John Silver's franchise. One was the fish friar and the other was the chip monk.
←Rate | 06-18-2014 09:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?... Me: No Sir. I thought sure you would know.
←Rate | 06-25-2014 09:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Morning wood starts the best fire.
←Rate | 08-06-2014 01:31 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the NFL starting this week, as a Redskins fan I have this feeling of impending doom.
←Rate | 09-03-2014 10:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying I'm psychic, but I'm positive I will have no interest in what you're about to say.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 23:23 Comments (0)  




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