Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4049 of 6462

Always be yourself. Even if you have to fake it.
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08-03-2015 09:25
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By the power vested in me... I now pronounce me going to sleep
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08-25-2015 05:42 by snotty
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*Caterpillar marriage therapy... Wife: he's not the man I married...Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Susan !!!
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09-28-2015 18:40 by snotty
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Seen a pregnant woman with 4 kids just letting them run wild in Walmart. She said "Can you believe my baby is 5 days past due?"...I said "Yeah, he was probably warned by your other kids."......And that's when the fight started....
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11-22-2015 15:17
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Lazy is as lazy doesn't.
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12-05-2015 15:14 by Nipper
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There's a million fish in the sea,,, but I haven't lowered my standards just yet to date fish.
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12-08-2015 20:55 by snotty
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Sure sex is great but have you ever stared at your phone all day?
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12-27-2015 06:51
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If you don't think size matters, I'm giving you the smallest coffee mug.
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12-27-2015 06:56
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Underwear need pockets. If you want to walk around without pants, where are you supposed to put your phone?
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10-02-2013 04:25
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Sometimes I think I got away with all the alcohol I've drank...but then I drool mid thought and realize...nope.

To the old age you've learnt anything through knowledge and experience; the problem is you remember none of them.
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10-12-2013 04:59
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Things ain't nobody got time for: That
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10-16-2013 10:44
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It's Sunday and that only means I want Chic Fil A
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10-16-2013 14:18 by Gina
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Just imgine if we've all met somewhere as a reunion of years together providing funny.... thanks for the fun times guys and gals!!
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10-23-2013 00:15 by Pipo
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What temperature does Miley boil at??
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11-25-2013 21:14
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Two Franciscan priests opened a Long John Silver's franchise. One was the fish friar and the other was the chip monk.
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06-18-2014 09:50
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Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?... Me: No Sir. I thought sure you would know.
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06-25-2014 09:42
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Morning wood starts the best fire.
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08-06-2014 01:31 by Baddie
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With the NFL starting this week, as a Redskins fan I have this feeling of impending doom.

I'm not saying I'm psychic, but I'm positive I will have no interest in what you're about to say.
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10-06-2014 23:23
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