Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I just want someone that can draw perfect circles. No weird Os 
Happy MILK day...!
Got kicked out of Star Fleet for using the transporter to catch up to the ice cream man after I’ve missed him going down my street.
It's fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can't tell.
Just like a bunch of brown NBA players to blame the cops when a brutha breaks the law...
I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"
It's pretty clear now, if it wasn't already, Trump is just a schill to ensure Hillary wins.... This is 'democracy' in action....
What do I call people who don't like Halloween? Boring. I call them boring.
Jokes on you, kids who put shaving cream on my car... I was gonna shave my car anyway.
I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
You had me at "family history of premature death".
Judging by the gold teeth in this Footlocker employees mouth, either he has a side job or Footlocker has phenomenal detal benefits.
I very rarely piss people off but when I do it's usually loud and spectacular
Nothing ruins a Hump Day like not getting Humped!
if we couldn't laugh we would al go insane...
The most realistic part of Avengers: Age of Ultron was Ultron deciding the human race must be destroyed after spending a few hours on the Internet.
If you've every seen someone try to put an old dollar bill into a vending machine, then you've pretty much seen my sex tape.
I'm beginning to feel jealous of you and your pics with your dads...I don't get to see mine til tomorrow when he delivers the milk
Crazy how the Pointer Sisters say they're JUST burning doing the Neutron Dance like it's not a huge deal to catch fire from dancing
It takes Axl Rose approximately 12 minutes to sing 2 verses of "Head, Shoulders, na-na-na-na-na-na-Knees and Toes." 