Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts

   I have the nose hair of a much older, more powerful man.

   I personally do not like to drive in the rain but the kid in me LOVES(♥'s) to drive over the rain puddles =]

   Girl, not even the Kool-Aid man could bust through your emotional walls.

   Used to comment and joke when the didgets were in their hundreds now your a pretty tough crowd

   You can take a hint or you can take a hike... But you are not taking my heart.

   has enough wiper wash for 78 butterflies, after that I'm screwed!

   Lions, Tigers, And Bears Ohhh My... God! They shot em' all!

   Guess I better watch the end of this little baseball game so I can say tomorrow ' yeah I saw that,didn't think (___insert winner here___) would pull it off ! The lengths I go just to fit in. ;-)

   Satan came to me today and asked if he frieghtened me, I said no- not in the least bit, I said I used to be married to your sister...

   I am not addicted to weed, I only smoke it 2 times a year on my birthday and when its not my birthday.

   We live in a world where dates like 11/11/11 make people happy :|

   If this really was a popularity contest I think you'd have to agree we all lose.

   Alcohol is not the answer. IT JUST MAKES YOU forget the question.

   Nothing aggravates me more than to hear a career politician say, "I am not a career politician."

   Its New Years... I just dont understand why people feel the need that they have to go out and get sh!tfaced and not remember ringing in the New Year..Well I guess I should finish these beers and get back to work. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

   I hate when I'm about to chat someone and they go offline.

   Be still like a mountain and flow like a great river. But not during sex, that's just selfish.

   Poor decisions should be rated on a scale of 1 to Charlie Sheen.

   marry the 1st girl who unhooks it for you! She hates to see you struggle