Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I envision a country without violence, without guns or bombs, where everybody lives in peace. And then we could invade that country and take it for ourselves.

   Statistically in 2010, 43,869,800 people changed their relationship status to single yet I am still sitting home alone on Saturday night??

   Oh please tell me you are NOT crying because I took the wrapper off your juice box straw!

   God please bring 2012 soon I cant take it any more...

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   73% of men don't know what a cookie is. But 99% know how to delete them.

   When I grow up I wanna become a civil engineer, and design septic tanks for playgrounds. So little kids can take Sh•ts.! :-)

   Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt... hehehe suckers!!!

   man walks into a room where he see's his wife watching a cookery programme. "Why you watching that", he says "you can't cook !". His wife replies "Why do you watch porn ?"

   supports the elderly by watching the Superbowl Halftime show.

   I think Toyota should take Energizer's slogan, “It keeps going, and going, and going”.

   getting ready to rock your world, so bring a change of underwear. Why? When it happens, you'll know.

   Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

   Venus Williams has brought something different to the women's game – male genitalia.

   goes from married to single in 5.5 shots of Tequila.

   Mean people suck. Nice people swallow. Great people do BOTH. ;)

   I'm not perfect but parts of me are excellant!

   I was born intelligent - education ruined me

   I keep all the extra buttons that come with clothes just in case I ever need an extra 973 buttons

   Got in a fight. You should see the other guys....they are perfectly fine.