Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Preview of Obama's job speech: I may need one in two years.

   We're F*cked. The president in 2050 is going to have Tribal sleeves and use the word "bro" in all his presidential speeches.

   There's 8 letters in I LOVE YOU but there's also 8 letters in BULLSH!T!

   A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, "damn that was awesome".

   Found out today that you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...

   Does Chris Dorner celebrate Ash Wednesday?

   fat is the new skinny

   atheists lash out in fear... there is no other rational reason for their aggressive behavior

   who can name the 6 great kings who ave brought immense happiness in two people's lifes ?? Drin-King, Fuc-King, Lic-King, Suc-King, Span-King and Wan-king

   A deal has been struck to allow evolution to continue to be taught in public schools, as long as Dinosaurs are refered to as Jesus Horse's.

   So only 9 people in supreme courts sit around and decide what's legal and what's not for the rest of over 500 million Americans? Yes I see how your democracy is very fair.

   Fruit flies. Is there anything nowadays that isn't gay?

   Why is it always the ugly and fat women that are nymphos? For once I would like to meet a beautiful nympho.

   Hearing that Jesus loves you and you should let him inside you is very nice... Unless you’re in a Mexican prison.

   If Tiger Woods and Jesse James are back to dating already, then I don't see any reason why Michael Vick can't get another puppy.

   *Fat chick posts a picture on Facebook* "Fresh out the shower. (; " Me: "You spelled ocean wrong."

   My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.....

   Ho, Ho, Ho!" - Santa Claus doing a naughty girl head count.

   Friday is my Second Favorite ''F'' Word!!!

   Hey thanks for the event invitation. I live in Florida, but I'll leave for Utah immediately 'cause God knows I wouldn't wanna miss your sh**ty band's gig at Paul's Bowling Alley.