Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Motorola is coming out with a new droid phone called the Kobe... conversely, they are also coming out with the Lebron phone too, except the only difference is it doesn't RING.

   Look at your keyboard and I notice "U" & "I" are together... it's meant to be! Now look just beneath it... JK!

   Sometimes I wonder... are Skittles really the color of the rainbow before you open the bag to sunlight?

   When you die, they'll bury you face down, so that you can see where your going.

   War does not determine who is right – only who is left

   Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I'm upgrading to the tugboat!

   I saw Toy Story 3 and Barbie gave me a Woody!!

   hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye

   Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.

   Looking through a girls photos and thinking "slut..slut..slut..slut" :D

   You go to bed right now mister... How dare you post on here about your mother you are grounded for a week with no lemon bar deserts!

   went to Barnes & Noble and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose...

   Girl, you are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts

   You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!,

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

   If I had a choice between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea, I wouldn't want a garbanzo bean on my face.

   The sequel to the book Fear willbe TEARS he's still president.

   Where do I go to get my free crack pipe. . . Asking for a friend.

   Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Landline phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 11

   After a night of passion, I told my new girlfriend that she was the frist one I've ever been with. She smiled and said really? I said yea, the other's were sevens and eights. :)