Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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My 2yo is super bossy. He is telling everyone what to do. Oh I gotta go he said I have to get off the computer... 
yo, people that drive 10 mph under the speed limit 'cuz there's a cop behind you. stop it. you ain't gettin' free donuts or anything...
did you know racecar spelled backwards is racecar
ohhh I have 2 headaches, and being a guy I can only supply enough blood to one of them..... sigh
Just saw a Comercial were they made snuggies for dogs....What has the world come too?
Motorola is coming out with a new droid phone called the Kobe... conversely, they are also coming out with the Lebron phone too, except the only difference is it doesn't RING.
Look at your keyboard and I notice "U" & "I" are together... it's meant to be! Now look just beneath it... JK!
Sometimes I wonder... are Skittles really the color of the rainbow before you open the bag to sunlight?
When you die, they'll bury you face down, so that you can see where your going.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I'm upgrading to the tugboat!
went to Barnes & Noble and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose...
Girl, you are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!,
In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
I saw Toy Story 3 and Barbie gave me a Woody!!
hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye
Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.
Looking through a girls photos and thinking "slut..slut..slut..slut" :D
You go to bed right now mister... How dare you post on here about your mother you are grounded for a week with no lemon bar deserts! 