father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that

   Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

   Chicken strips because Chicken never knew her father.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

   Nowadays, Father's Day is a good day to thank Dad for not running away from home.

   A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.

   I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."

   No clean cereal bowls? Line a strainer with plastic wrap. Laziness is the father of invention.

   one of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   Am sorry I asked you 'Who is the father' when you told me your wife is pregnant.

   What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.

   Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann

   I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!

   My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).

   some say that Justin Bieber is the father of Rebecca Blacks baby....but its not true...There is no way 1 girl can impregnate another

   Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.

   My dad's ability to drive with one hand while reaching back and smacking the right child, somehow always impressed me... Happy father's day dad!

   Just sent out 200 text messages to random phone numbers saying "Happy Father's Day! I'm pregnant!" Now listening to the police scanner for my daily entertainment.

   “... of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.” Matthew 24:36..If God has not even revealed to his own son the date the world will end, I doubt he has revealed it to Harold Camping.