father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon one of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 00:50 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. :)
←Rate | 12-06-2009 21:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 23:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 00:02 by manbearpig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann
←Rate | 09-18-2012 06:50 by Paul Comments (1)  

   messageicon I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!
←Rate | 09-19-2010 08:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).
←Rate | 08-17-2011 22:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon some say that Justin Bieber is the father of Rebecca Blacks baby....but its not true...There is no way 1 girl can impregnate another
←Rate | 05-15-2011 08:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 18:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....
←Rate | 06-21-2015 19:28 by wiserone Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dad's ability to drive with one hand while reaching back and smacking the right child, somehow always impressed me... Happy father's day dad!
←Rate | 05-20-2013 13:37 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just sent out 200 text messages to random phone numbers saying "Happy Father's Day! I'm pregnant!" Now listening to the police scanner for my daily entertainment.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 09:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg
←Rate | 06-20-2010 23:01 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon “... of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.” Matthew 24:36..If God has not even revealed to his own son the date the world will end, I doubt he has revealed it to Harold Camping.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 23:15 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father
←Rate | 06-15-2010 21:03 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 03:46 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me
←Rate | 06-13-2010 23:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet
←Rate | 06-29-2010 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 06:00 Comments (0)  

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