Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I've heard a lot about Karen lately but what about Felicia. Did she finally leave?
←Rate | 07-30-2020 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cardboard crowds are getting a little Rowdy at the game.
←Rate | 08-03-2020 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a lazy eye as a child and now the rest of my body has caught up.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My five year plan is to make it through this year.
←Rate | 08-06-2020 21:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband wants to make cauliflower crust pizza so now I have to run to the grocery store and find a new husband.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mean Girls 2020: “Gross, isn’t that the mask you wore yesterday?”
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point in my marriage, showering together is just a convenient way to check for ticks.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old enough to remember when infectious laughter had a positive connotation
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You want a traditional thanksgiving? The CDC recommends you eat outside like a pilgrim this year
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
←Rate | 10-13-2019 17:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to put out an Amber alert for common sense...
←Rate | 03-12-2020 12:24 by MrSharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 11:55 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
←Rate | 04-27-2020 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, all I know is none of this sh*t was going on when Mtv still played music videos.
←Rate | 06-19-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
←Rate | 05-24-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Stanley Cup finals will feature a team that represents a morally bankrupt city, that is built on corruption, greed and deceit, against the Las Vegas Golden Knights.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 17:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
←Rate | 06-14-2018 07:10 Comments (0)  




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