Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I don't get my way, I'm going in with my lawyers...wahhhhhh!!!! I'm such a great role model.

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   EVERYBODY needs to get their heads out of their @$$'s the world is not going to end next year! in 2000 they said that something was going to happen, and nothing EVER did!

   Thinking with your Boehner: We'll punish the bottom 97% of small businesses to give the top 3% help they don't need

   Do you know what I hate about this country?...Larry the Cable Guy.

   at the Video Music Awards on her mobile ...ihg32h9gj0fk0kfkkkkkkfmmnnn273fbf111... ...FOR F*** SAKE KANYE LET GO OF THE KEYBOARD!

   how does every black joke start? by looking over your shoulder.

   instead of 'free' healthcare or 'free' college how about some freedom, dam commies

   Just remember, Michael Jordan would not have been a six time NBA champion without the government building the roads that got him to the game!

   Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys? Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips

   ...its -4 out and snow is on it's way tomorrow...so much for this global warming they talk about...although they'll probably blame the cold on the hole in the ozone layer or cow farts...

   - Jesus saves. Moses gets the puck. He shoots! HE SCORES!!!!

   The hypocrisy of some on the LEFT has no bounds.

   Save a horse, ride the bus.

   thinks Dennis Leary said it best...."Ted Kennedy, great Senator, but a bad date!"

   You know its the truth when Republicans start with the name calling.

   His 'holiness'?? It seems Catholics have more love and respect for the Pope than they do for Jesus.

   Everyone remembers that we were attacked, but few remember why.

   Dear Dad. Thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!

   The bra section of Victoria's Secret. The only place in the world where women fail if they get an A…