Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hate when people say like, "I gotta get my body right for this summer like exercises and tan." ok fine...like, wtf are you going to do about your damn face???

   This morning I surveyed 100 men and asked them what shampoo they used when showering...... 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"

   Its so funny how the worst drivers on the road these days are the ones with an "Obama" sticker on their bumper.

   What does a fat musIim say? ALLAH SNACKBAR!

   It took a Jimmy Carter to give us a Ronald Reagan!

   Puberty is gonna hit Justin Bieber harder, than Chris Brown hit Rhianna!!

   saw a car today that had a sticker that said "Americans never forget". Then I remembered that Hiliary Clinton is Secretary of State so obviously we do...

   now available with a bonus DVD; containing deleted scenes and 2 theatrical trailers

   Fresh out the shower √ Ice cold beer √ BBQ grill ready √ Sunday NFL Football √ √ √....---> IT'SGO TIME<---

   "Knock Knock! .... "Who's there" . . . .Not the Malaysian airplane pilot

   There is a photo of Obama circulating around FB showing how much he's grayed over the past 4 years since becoming president.. It's hard to believe that one man could age so much worrying about his next round of golf.

   So Donald Trump is looking to run for president in 2012. I'd vote for him just to watch him tell Obama he's fired ;>)

   American presidents: ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☻

   Dear Michelle Obama. The White House is NOT like a prison. American citizens can visit prisons.

   Thumbs-Up for PS4 and Thumbs-down for XBOX ONE.

   If I don't get my way, I'm going in with my lawyers...wahhhhhh!!!! I'm such a great role model.

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   EVERYBODY needs to get their heads out of their @$$'s the world is not going to end next year! in 2000 they said that something was going to happen, and nothing EVER did!

   Thinking with your Boehner: We'll punish the bottom 97% of small businesses to give the top 3% help they don't need

   Do you know what I hate about this country?...Larry the Cable Guy.