Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Excuse me, how much does a polar bear weigh? ......Just enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Steve. 
If the world was a school, the united states would be the special class.
I love Japanese noodles so much I'm gonna eat them the entire month and call it Ramendan.
If you read this, I'm SMART. If you like this, you agree that I'm SMART. If you copy and paste this, you are spreading that I'm SMART & if you don't like this, you are jealous coz I'm SMART!
Benefits of legalizing weed: - Tax it to help national debt - Job creation, weed farmers ect. - Substitute for tobacco, tobacco is worse. - Cops don't waste time on non-violent weed users. - Prisons don't waste space on non-violent users. - Gangs loose bu
So when your sexting...do you get a phoner?
playing musical electric chairs
God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made MOTHERS! :)
Screw Olmpic soccer. If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 mins I'd go watch old security tapes of me sitting at the bar.
how do you confuse an archaeologist? give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
I'd go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Single White Female, 29, into moshing, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.
I have 5,000 channels I cannot watch since they are in spanish, but they take away Food Network and HGTV from me......... Cablevision you are a disgrace, what the hell am I paying you to much money for!!! Damm you Cablevision, damm you!
God gave you them shoes, to fit you So put them on and wear them... be yourself man, be proud of who you are Even if it sounds corny... don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful
its so cold outside, that my grandmother's false teeth was chattering (and they are in a jar)
Think the Crayola people would get mad if I try to burn there Crayon?
The reason you can't fool all of the people all of the time is because half of them are women.
I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard
driving and texting on his new cell pho......sweet merciful Jesus , He's heading right toward us .....freaking maniac
I’m starting to get to the age where I need a well thought out plan in order to stand up. 