Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Why are girls with boyfriends always way more flirty than girls who are single? 
I forget my password so often I made it incorrect that way when I'm wrong the computer reminds me...
[Mother-in-law visiting] -May I use your restroom? -Down the hall first door on the right -That's the front door -You may use the yard
it's creepy when a girl you've never met before comes up to you and asks to feel your arm muscles. Go wash your hands first and I'll think about it
Former Ravens cheerleader arrested for having sex with 15 year old boy. Apparently her flirting style was to BE AGGRESSIVE, B-E AGGRESSIVE
BREAKING NEWS!! Whitney Houston drug free for almost 2yrs.
I'm dreaming of a liberal Christmas, where nothing is paid for, I always sit on the couch with my hand out, waiting for the people with jobs to pay me more.
OMG! I just had a full grown GOOSE poop on my windshield! Looks like I just got egged. Go back to Canada!
Just because a guy wears a dress and dances with men doesn't mean he's gay.
planning to fill in this blank.
my girlfriend just started smoking. Should I slow down and use a lubricant?
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors???????????????Because if it had 4 it would be called a chicken sedan...........
going into the fitting room at Walmart and yelling very loudly there is no toilet paper in here
did Jesus died for Bin Laden's sins too?
Well, the people outside are frightful. And the traffic, is far from delightful. (blocking my intersection) since they got no place to go. people blow people blow people blow...
"serious, and don't call me Shirley "
Quick turn on the news!!! 2 car pile up in Arizona..288 Mexicans were killed.
amazing that anyone under 30 thinks foreign policy has to do with how well you play Call of Duty
give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate...
I won't rest until I find a cure for this darn insomnia! ツ 