Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Think I'm about to have a boregasm.

   Saw a baby holding a silly green cellphone rattle, fat colorful plastic keys and a KEEP MOVIN' shirt. Take the hint baby, grow up & get out.

   This new episode of The Walking Dead is awesome!! The Celebrity Cameos are too many to count! I wonder why they called this episode "The Grammys"?

   Mondays are Sundays poop

   just put clothespins and baseball cards on my spokes..my car is gonna be the coolest one in the hood

   really impressed with size of the coconuts on Survior this season. wow!

   If a resturant describes any off its food items as "Our world famous....", it isn't.

   My kitchen is starting to look like a middle school science fair.

   Its funny how when I feel my phone vibrate I'll get up to read the text but when my alarm clock goes off in the morning I push snooze like 12 times.

   Everytime I get gas I want to pull out an AR15 and take out a gas pump! ... There's your war on terror!!

   Made it through the day without smoking any Peeps marshmallow bunnies. Feeling strong.

   Happy Leprechaun Appreciation Day!

   smart phones seem to be more high maintenance than a pet...calm down blackberry, I'm adapting to your ways of communicating...

   After the 2.2 magnitude earthquake in Blackpool, a huge crack has appeared on the promenade. The Tourist Board are said to be delighted that Jordan has decided to take a holiday there.

   If you ever want to embarass me, just be yourself.

   The only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.

   A new study says the Internet is as addictive as cigarettes & booze. But every blog that I've read for the last 8 hours straight disagrees

   “Sorry, I didn't mean to break your liver.” – someone who is not an expert at breaking hearts.

   this uhh jersey shore show that my kids watch... is it like a facebook in reality.. t.v show ? just doesnt make sense to me .

   Live each day like you're marked for deletion.