Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm sure glad life gave me other photo opportunities after my high school yearbook portrait.

   I always feel awkward sitting around waiting for people to show up. That's why I'm always late. I don't care if you're late, just be less late than me.

   Oh I can see by your Four Square there that you just checked into Target. Be sure to notify us all when you check into therapy.

   frolicking in the meadow over yonder.

   your pickup line just made me decide to change teams

   When I “rage against the machine” the machine is usually a printer.

   Hearses are so depressing. I'd like my casket transported via segway.

   wonders if there is a cure for "dumbassness" if so, I know a few people who need a dose

   Why was the spork necessary? Thoughts?

   Apparently German research labs are giving away octopus meat

   What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning

   spotted a few cornballs on his friends list...

   has thrown games of "Hangman" to intentionally kill that guy.

   just realized that he wasnt really a big hit, he's just a typical sh*t in a prince charming outfit :)

   was going to go to Walmart today but my tie dyed t-shirt and my sweatpants with whole in the arse of em were in the wash, besides , I had a haircut yesteday and it's neat and tidy , I just wouldn't have fit in

   Wonders how much I will go for on ebay. Let the bidding begin!!!

   does not call it lying down...I call it landscape mode.

   awesome at being humble!

   The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.

   wonders if climate summits could be the cure for the dreaded swine flu. The epidemic seems to have totally disappeared since Copenhagen started...