Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.

   Hearses are so depressing. I'd like my casket transported via segway.

   wonders if there is a cure for "dumbassness" if so, I know a few people who need a dose

   Why was the spork necessary? Thoughts?

   Apparently German research labs are giving away octopus meat

   What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning

   spotted a few cornballs on his friends list...

   has thrown games of "Hangman" to intentionally kill that guy.

   just realized that he wasnt really a big hit, he's just a typical sh*t in a prince charming outfit :)

   I wonder how stupid people knew they were being stupid before the slap to the back of the head was invented?

   Somedays it is just so hard being so much better than most people.

   just wondering if there's ever been a "hook-up" on "Wife Swap" that ABC just couldn't air! LOL! Wouldn't that be HILARIOUS?!!!=)

   4 out of 5 dentists recommend me

   Nothing beats going through last night's drunk texts to find a sexy convo you were having.

   I'm sure glad life gave me other photo opportunities after my high school yearbook portrait.

   I always feel awkward sitting around waiting for people to show up. That's why I'm always late. I don't care if you're late, just be less late than me.

   Oh I can see by your Four Square there that you just checked into Target. Be sure to notify us all when you check into therapy.

   frolicking in the meadow over yonder.

   your pickup line just made me decide to change teams

   When I “rage against the machine” the machine is usually a printer.