Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So, Tiger and Jesse cheat and they have a sex addiction and need therapy, but a women has an affair, killes off her husband and she gets to be on Oxegen's SNAPPED!!!

   a slurpee a day keeps the teacher away

   i'm speechless...what can I say?....i saw it comin b4 it happen...i felt the fart but i'm goin to shout my mouth let them blame the fat kid

   BP Divides Gulf of Mexico into Full Service, Self Service

   I use to hear snap crackle pop, and think of breakfast time. Now I hear it, I think I had better get out of this chair.

   See,,, I told you it would fit!!

   wondering if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

   With my iPad in my lap, I feel so fresh. All over.

   A pat on the back is just a few centimeters away from a kick in the ass.

   Don't run from a sniper. You'll only die tired.

   thinks that while many auto manufactures put the brakes on due to this global ressession, Toyota just kept on rollin'.

   "Milk-a-what?"

   I never realized how much I cuss until I had to add all those 4 letter words to my phones dictionary. I am not ducking crazy, piece of shirt !

   My opponent Cindy wants to kill you and your family... the 3 good things about her though is 1) She has nice hair 2) She has a nice smile 3) She likes the outdoors

   What would Zach Galifianakis do?

   I have to say here lately i've been very surprised that after clicking spell check I have no spelling errors...

   was going to go to Walmart today but my tie dyed t-shirt and my sweatpants with whole in the arse of em were in the wash, besides , I had a haircut yesteday and it's neat and tidy , I just wouldn't have fit in

   Wonders how much I will go for on ebay. Let the bidding begin!!!

   does not call it lying down...I call it landscape mode.

   awesome at being humble!