Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   An agnostic is just an atheist who is hedging his bets.

   Education is important, but opening the pubs is importanter.

   be glad ur not a smurf....they have blue balls 24/7

   If you don't want me pointing out your faults, don't have so many to choose from

   Can I come over and mess up your hair and makeup?

   Calories are tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter every night.

   ..... YUP ....... Back my day .... computer technology used to be a lot tougher than it is now....... Heck I remember when mice had balls.

   If bad things happen in threes I'd hate to be Billie Joe Armstrong today.

   There's no such thing as a Chubby "Chaser"...chubby folks can't run very fast.

   This year, I think I'd like to visit the 'Smithereens'. Seems like just about everyone gets blown there ツ

   the more people I meet the more I like my dog

   I'm not impatient...I just don't like to wait.

   In Criminal Court, You See Bad People at Their Best; In Family Court, You See Good People at Their Worst

   A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I'm dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.

   Well technically,,, Every burger a bulimic girl eats is an In-N-Out burger.

   Cardinal Baseball song of the night: " I left my ̶̶H̶̶e̶̶a̶̶r̶̶t̶̶ Ass in San Francisco"

   CONSERVATIVE"I'm more traditional like a flathead screwdriver vote for me" LIBERAL "I'm more modern like a phillips screwdriver vote for me" VOTERS "No matter who wins we're SCREWED"

   yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.."

   Sorry,,,, My dog ate my homework. -Culinary student.

   If you are going to have loud sex, make sure the guy isn't the loudest one.