Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wishes she could walk away, but her feet are stuck in the cement of your existence

   tends to seek forgiveness later rather than ask for permission now.

   If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.

   i like kids, but I dont think I could eat a whole one

   It should be illegal to have humility as awesome as mine is.

   just because I have my cell phone number in my information doesn't mean you have full range of using it.. I would feel like a pretty big creep if I just took someones number off their page before asking for it

   Firefights recently rescued 2 men from an industrial clothes dryer. The men were listed in stable condition but missing one sock.

   The price of gold is at an all-time high. If I were a young rap artist, I think I'd ride out the storm in graduate school.

   realized his neighbors are devotion Catholic couple. He usually hears them yellin' "Oh! Jesus" every night.

   not mean. He/She just wasn't born with enough middle fingers to get his/her point across.

   yes I do have a sence of humour and I have a certificate to prove it.... my marriage certificate!!!

   I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom.

   thinks the BP executive management team that's responsible for the day to day running of the company should be the ones cleaning the oil spill!

   The oldest written recipe is for beer. Even when most people couldn't read or write, they knew they had to mark that down somehow.

   If normal is a relative term, then why aren't my relatives normal?

   read that there were dozens of accidents in NYC the last few days, and that was just on the set of the new Spiderman play.

   What kills me is the say the birds and fish in Arkansas all died simultaneously due to stress...What stress, do they over due bills to pay or something??

   some people are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker!

   The lies pornos tell...smh...Not every woman would f*ck some random guy at the door with a "special" package!!...and why doesnt he have shirt on??

   Tim Berners-Lee from Britain invented the world wide web/internet giving millions of idiots from all countries to argue about games that they don't ever play themselves.