Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's hotter than a spoon at Demi Lovato's house.

   I've decided not to say "Happy Holidays" this Christmas Season .... I am going to go totally rogue and badass and say .... "Merry Christmas" ... instead!! .... Hope I don't ruin anybody's Christmas.

   let's ake a picture of Trump at his Inauguration...and then again 4 years later. Should be fun!

   A terrible waitress asked me for a tip last night.... I said don't make snow angels at dog parks.......

   Marla Maples is in favor or border security. She lost her job to an immigrant too.

   So,,,,,,now that people are eating tide pods,,,,,does that mean they identify as a washing machine, now? I'm confused

   'Pokemon Go brought me here' walks into church....finds Jesus instead......

   Cow-tipping cop: Do you know why I pushed you over?... Cow: *sighs... Yes.

   Spoiler alert: Going to more than one rodeo does not make you any smarter.

   setting up a trap to capture Santa when he comes down my chimney tomorrow. I figure he will bring a hefty ransom from the world! Mmmmuuahhhaaha...

   i didn't know that your favorite sport is Social Climbing.

   Cheer up, The worst is yet to come!

   wishes I was 12 again. so I could commit crimes without the oppression of the Law.

   i wonder why, I never wondered why the easiest things are so hard

   My resolution -- Is to finally beat my == Haiku addiction.

   Bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic

   heard charges were pressed against James Ray. I bet he's sweating now.

   You've heard of the "Soup Natzi"?.....But have you heard of the "FACEBOOK NATZI"? If you've ever had to delete a comment....you have! No more FACEBOOK FOR YOU!

   learnt a lesson: Hardwork leads to success and 'blame' works just as well

   thinking about taking up golf to cure his sex addiction...if it worked for Tiger...