Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cow-tipping cop: Do you know why I pushed you over?... Cow: *sighs... Yes.

   Spoiler alert: Going to more than one rodeo does not make you any smarter.

   setting up a trap to capture Santa when he comes down my chimney tomorrow. I figure he will bring a hefty ransom from the world! Mmmmuuahhhaaha...

   i didn't know that your favorite sport is Social Climbing.

   Cheer up, The worst is yet to come!

   wishes I was 12 again. so I could commit crimes without the oppression of the Law.

   i wonder why, I never wondered why the easiest things are so hard

   My resolution -- Is to finally beat my == Haiku addiction.

   Bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic

   heard charges were pressed against James Ray. I bet he's sweating now.

   You've heard of the "Soup Natzi"?.....But have you heard of the "FACEBOOK NATZI"? If you've ever had to delete a comment....you have! No more FACEBOOK FOR YOU!

   learnt a lesson: Hardwork leads to success and 'blame' works just as well

   thinking about taking up golf to cure his sex addiction...if it worked for Tiger...

   re-invented the term "big baller", running nude in a basketball court

   effective way of getting back at someone is to ask them a yes or no question like this - "Have you stopped putting your head up ur a$$ these days ?"

   I honestly don't care if you think I'm crazy. You're just a figment of my imagination anyway. Coffee:

   I wish God wouldn't have hidden all of my talents so well...

   pretty sure that if fortune telling was real every fortune in every fortune cookie would read "You are about to eat a stale cookie, boo-yah!"

   Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets

   $100 says I don't have a gambling problem.