Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To all of the people whom voted for Obama the second time: There's an idiot on your keyboard right between the letter "Y" and "I"

   Most Paralympic competitors get involved in their sport by accident.

   Hey Jessica Biel,,,,,,,,, Please,, Please,, Please,, name your kid Batmo

   If you're an influential person but you do not help anybody, you're ignorant.

   if at first you don't succeed...skydiving is not for you!!!

   Chevy Chase has been getting that Christmas tree for over 20 years. You'ld think he would finally remember a saw.

   I hate to break it to you, fatty, but shaving and leaving just a line of facial hair along your jaw line is not going to make your double chin disappear, it'll make you look even fatter.

   wondering if Jewish doctors get paid for doing circumcisions, or just get to keep the tips.

   M.C. Hammer should be a security guard at an art museum.

   I must be wishing on someone else's star because every time I wish for something, someone else gets it!

   "Pot is bad, buy more alcohol." - Anheuser-Busch Lobbyist

   Mike Wallace dead at 93 - Guess his 60 minutes are up....

   I can't wait until tomorrow when all the Martin Luther King, Jr. fried chicken is 75% off.

   Freedom of Speech means you the right to say whatever you want whenever you want, but it doesn't exempt you from the consequences of free speech. If you can't handle the consequences of freedom of speech, you probably shouldn't be speaking.

   A sitcom after all the years away from television proves again that Michael J Fox is one of the true movers and shakers of entertainment.

   HEY, To EVERYBODY celebrating Independence Day, None of us want independence, We just want to be taken care of!!! .... We are .... The Baby Nation!!!! ..... Join Us!!! .... BTW .... We are also known as the Democrats.

   Jesus paid for your sins. Make sure he gets his moneys worth!

   Nelson Mandela the only "Black President" that will be missed!

   Lil Wayne is by far the worst thing to happen to hiphop since Solja boy. Over Rated.

   One night a jet flew a little too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen and the stewardess told me to sit down.