Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "no one told you life was gonna be this way," but later in the same song... "you're mother warned you there'd be days like these"...well did your mother tell you or not? Can I get some consistency please?

   MoooooooM tell Boredom to leave me the F#ck Alone!!!!!!

   Why do older people scream into their cell phones?

   Where's the dancing Kool-aid Man when you need him????

   The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

   as the great philospher Jagger said...."you can't always get what you want.."

   Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

   doing the Safety Dance and leaving my friends behind.

   Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

   it just me, or is Tim Tebow already the most talked about white Bronco sine OJ and AC?

   The last thing I want to do in insult you... BUT it is on the LIST..

   Im not watching the news anymore, too depressing, I rather watch Forensic Files instead.

   her breakfast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didnt want, and water that I slipped birth control into....Who says chivalry is dead!!

   Great ideas often receive violent opposition from mediocre minds

   Facebook is changing their privacy settings again. As of tomorrow, Facebook will creep up behind you & give you an atomic wedgie. To change this option, go to Settings > Personal Settings > Sneaky Settings> Wedgie Settings & uncheck the Shenaniga

   How many days should you wait, before you tell your buddy that you didn't get the message, that he needed help moving?

   Preserve nature....pickle a squirrel.

   7up made in Portugal will be banned in North Korea

   I'm starting to get a bit worried that Canada isn't going to win the World Cup this year.

   Some families can trace their ancestry back three hundred years, but can't tell you where their children were last night.