Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I may be dumb, but at least I'm not "waiting for March 4th where Trump will be definitely be president again" dumb. 
Four more years?! I'm praying the Mayans were right now, so it'll only be four more weeks!!
gottenSeeing how fat George Zimmerman has gotten, we need to ask did he shoot Trayvon because he was black or for his skittles.
Hey Jesus...instead of taking the wheel how about paying for gas every now and then.
my daughter asked me, who is that boy on American Idol? I said his name is Ellen Degeneres
Puberty is going to hit Justin Bieber harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna
the cause of your drinking problem.
Theres a party tonight. Climb my leg and you can have a ball..
Holy Crap!!!....That was just CRAZY!!!.....Oh well.....Hey folks.new cooking tip 101;-When making beer can chicken.....make sure chicken is dead before inserting can of beer!!..Let me repeat:MAKE SURE CHICKEN IS DEAD BEFORE INSERTING CAN OF BEER!!!!!....
American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert has revealed to Rolling Stone magazine that he's gay. In other news, Barack Obama is black, Paris Hilton is kind of slutty, and Clay Aiken is also gay.
The fact that I have a Southern accent, doesn't make me stupid.
Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position.
I consider any gun that is pointed at me and fired with the intent to harm me to be an assault weapon.
That awkward moment where you are waiting for the light to turn green at a stop sign.
If you don't bother to raise for our national anthem, you don't deserve our freedom. Simple
Obama is skinny because as a kid he always gave up his lunch money to bullies like he did as president to Iran and North Korea.
A cat ran into the freeway and caused a pile up... Some how this was Obama's Fault - Fox News
I think we need to send our prayers out to the real victim of Amy Winehouse death..... her dealer , that dude just lost a lot of business
Everyone needs to just calm down, I have it on good authority that the Anthony case has been re-opened! There was a witness and he just so happens to be the presiding judge. Trial is set to begin the moment she takes her last breath.
When offering an apology, if you include buts... and excuses it kind of negates the apology... What do you think? 