Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Holiday Shoppers are rude and dangerous......Unless I wear a suit and say I am a lawyer!

   The number one rule when you are broke is to stop talking about being broke. Nobody wants you taking out your harmonica and singing the blues every time they talk to you.

   My idea of the perfect workout is not working out.

   I fought the law...And the Law won - Mike Brown

   If you swap five copperheads for a rattlesnake, your kids still won't be any safer in the yard. Same with terrorists and traitors.....

   wondering if the hokey pokey is what it's all about

   B.I.B.L.E = BASIC INSTUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH!

   still can't believe there are Obama supporters out there.

   "trying to find a better ""status""... "

   "Obamacare, you may as well have Michael Jackson's personal physician tuck you in at night" ~ Dennis Miller

   Happy MLK day! In honor, I'm gonna start the day with a bowl of chocolate milk, and cocoa puffs.

   just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident!!!

   it just me, or does cocaine smell really, really good?

   I may be dumb, but at least I'm not "waiting for March 4th where Trump will be definitely be president again" dumb.

   Four more years?! I'm praying the Mayans were right now, so it'll only be four more weeks!!

   gottenSeeing how fat George Zimmerman has gotten, we need to ask did he shoot Trayvon because he was black or for his skittles.

   Hey Jesus...instead of taking the wheel how about paying for gas every now and then.

   my daughter asked me, who is that boy on American Idol? I said his name is Ellen Degeneres

   Puberty is going to hit Justin Bieber harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna

   the cause of your drinking problem.