Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A 17-year-old whose death was initially linked to the novel coronavirus despite not having any previously reported health conditions was denied treatment at a California medical facility. Very Commie of them.

   Looks like I’m going to have to buy toilet paper. That brush next to the toilet hurts.

   If your blow up doll develops a runny nose, she is not COVID positive; she's full.

   I broke up with my girlfriend. She has leprosy and I got tired of picking up after her.

   I’d donate my body to science after I die, but they’d find 42 packs of chewed up and swallowed Hubba Bubba and my mom would be disappointed.

   [listening to the neighbors argue through the walls]: mmw mmwm wmmw mwm mwwmm wwmw mwm wmmwm wwmw mmwm mwwm mmw mmwm mwwm mwmwm me: oh stephanie you’re better than this

   A Girl commented on my post, a guy replied, she replied again n they were abt 2 fall in Love so I deleted d post.

   Raisins are the Cougar of Grapes

   I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.

   Hillary should be indicted. Trump will do something where he should be indicted. We're screwed. Eat Oreos.

   Just how can these folks afford to buy all of these weapons and ammunition while on Welfare and Food Stamps anyways? Last I checked those items really don't qualify for Food Stamp Purchases.

   If you love Jesus more than your husband then start praying the next time you need a jar open.

   Half the world is in a race war and the other half is running around catching Pokemon with their phones, and I'm just sitting here on my couch waiting for football season.

   I think an eye doctor should run for president in 2020 with the slogan "a perfect vision"

   Monica Lewinsky was asked if this was Bill Clinton's best speech ever. She said, "Close but no cigar".

   Women that wear blue eyeshadow have a Motel 6 shower cap in their purse.

   The Donald is gonna have to learn how to Duck.

   The Story Of Milk: Good milk. Bad milk. Disgusting milk. Dangerous milk. Cheese! I love a happy ending.

   Q: How do you think the unthinkable? A: With an itheberg.

   Apparently 2016 is the year every amusement park ride was set to expire and fall apart mid-ride with people on it.