Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   election day? I'll vote for anyone that will make it legal to beat my kids

   Khloe, Kourtney, Kim Kardashian!..... The only KKK that will let black guys in

   President OBama hires pinocchio as new Press Secretary.

   If you wear a mask when you're driving alone, there's no need for you to put a Biden sticker on your car. We already know.

   going back to the future

   Chris Matthews wants to know if getting your head removed from Obama's a ss is covered under Obamacare

   If you learn how to talk women into anal sex, you don't need to learn how to install a baby seat in a minivan.

   I don't always eat my boogers... but when I do, it's because I'm on coke

   Finally, we can stop talking about soccer for another 4 years.

   Why are there no mirrors in the self checkout?.....Slow people, take your time to get that jokke....

   Let's flip a coin. Heads I get tail. Tails I get head.

   Why don't you go live in one of those other nations jackass you wouldn't last 10 minutes

   BLACK FRIDAY, when people trample others for cheap goods mere hours after being thankful for what they already have

   I can't tell you how disappointed I was to find out the movie Selma wasn't about Selma Hayek.

   Obama 'I don't believe military intervention in Syria is the right move for America at this moment'.. In other News..No oil found in Syria

   No matter what you call Budweiser, it's still crappy beer....

   "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."-----JFK

   I guess orange is officially the new black

   Ground is soft this time of year. But burying a body is hot, sweaty work. And that's how the lemonade industry gets you.

   Today the glass is half full but I don't trust the water is filtered, the glass looks dirty & the person that served me has an open wound on their serving hand